Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The Day She Was Mine

I remember right after having Greyson, exclaiming to my Midwife, I just could not believe this tiny little thing was actually mine.

I said, "I can't believe she's mine!"  Those words still get me today.

She was so teeny and cute and squeaky. Such a gift I had never experienced before, obviously.

I couldn't believe I was being entrusted with her ...
I couldn't believe that this precious little girl was what was moving all around inside me for the past 9 months.
I couldn't believe we would get to raise her and love her...and just have her as ours.
I couldn't believe how pretty she was.
I loved how she was born on June 11 and I was born on July 11, I loved that for some reason.

I couldn't believe she was mine.

As we try to celebrate her 2nd birthday today, I have been reminded of those words that came out of my mouth on this day exactly 2 years ago. I have been really off and on sad, mad, bitter, happy for her that today...she isn't really mine.

She isn't mine like I wish she was. She will be mine one day, but today she is the Lord's. She is His, as she runs through the pastures and streams and gardens of Heaven.

And she always was truly His. A gift He sent... on lease to us... for 2 short days that have changed my life forever.

We only got to enjoy her for what seems like minutes now, which I realize is more than some, but it will never be enough as I go about my life.

Wondering what we would have been up to today in my perfect world- opening pink presents, having a pink cake, picking out pink balloons, spending time with family, eating all her favorite foods.

Would she have a younger sibling by now? Wow, weird to even type out seeing as we have little Blakely... who probably wouldn't be here so soon after her big sister- I am sure of it.  Would they love each other? The only type of interaction I get to slightly imagine is the way Blakely adores and loves to cuddle with our Greyson Bear...

Asking the Lord today to hold her and cuddle with her like I would be doing, to tell her secrets about her Mom and Dad and her little sister that get her so excited to meet us, she forgets she may be a little sad that we aren't there yet. 

Missing her more than words....

So glad she was mine for a day or two...

Wishing it was so much longer...

 Thankful that she has changed my life in 2 short days

And that she will be mine again very soon.

Happy Second Birthday to my sweet Baby Girl.