Friday, August 31, 2012

Grey Nails

I painted my nails grey today. Just like I did when I was around 18 wks pregnant and we named our sweet baby girl.

Thought of her. As usual.

I love the color grey, which is one of the reasons we loved the name "Greyson".

Wish I could be painting her lil nails right now... getting her ears pierced, dressing her up in all her cute lil outfits she never got to wear.  I especially wish she could have wore all the cute hair bows my Mom and I made right before she was born.

Trying to hold onto the promises the Lord gave us shortly after she went to be with Jesus...that He will give us another baby girl. I literally sometimes cannot breathe... while I wait.

Part of me died with her it seems.

Carried her for 9 months, delivered her, held her, nursed her, listened to the cutest high pitched cry ever,  bathed her, watched her bring so much joy to my husband and my family...

then rode in the ambulance in shock, prayed my heart out at in the E.R....

saw her looking at us while 15 doctors frantically tried to figure out why they were losing her...

then finally held her in my arms as she took her last breath.

 I cried and cried as Jesus showed up and asked me for her. I gave her to Him saying "Ok, Jesus" over and over as my Mom sang Amazing Grace.

Yep, part of me went with her that day. I may never be the same, I just don't know.

I am so glad she is with Jesus, though.

We are heading the viewing and funeral today of our sweet friend Naomi who also went to be with the Lord. She is now walking with Him in Paradise .... She promised to look after our baby "If she is allowed in that area" she said. Haha.

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