Half Truths

Down here in Florida, everyone talks to my baby and I.

We love it about the half the time.

 She smiles and loves the attention, I like being able to chat with complete strangers (now that I am a mom to a living baby.)

Today, we did not love it.

I had no idea how many times I would be asked once I step outside my home if Blakely is my first.
This has happened since the belly began to pop out last February.

I am almost always on the defense before people even look at me, because I already know it's coming.

Today, I changed it up a bit.

I have never once not acknowledged my firstborn. Normally I have to answer real quick, say, "but oh she died." and watch in silence as they scramble for words or sometimes, just change the subject or sometimes I end up tryin to comfort ...them. :/

People are curious and I'm not mad. It's just hard to always be ripping open a wound with complete strangers all the time.


So, today, I decided to answer differently.

"Aww, she's cute! How old?"

"Thank you, Almost 5 months!"

"She's tiny.... so much hair....is she your first?"

 ugh...

"Nope" with a half smile.

"Let me guess, you have a boy?"

"Nope, another little girl"

"Awww, How old?"

Thinks for a minute. Trying to decide....

"18 months"

Blank stare. "Oh my, you are one very busy Mom! I bet your life is so chaotic!!?"

"Yes."

"Well, I hope they are best friends"

Heart ripped open. No response for awhile.

"I hope so, too."

I don't know how I feel about this.

It kinda felt better to me to answer that way to be honest.

 I DO have an 18 month old, I just don't "have her" like everyone else.

I'm tired of talking about her dying.....and to people that mostly will not care.

She's very much alive, just not here.

Plus, I'm missing her a lot as Christmas rolls around. Her second without us. But her second in the presence of the One we celebrate. How cool.

I just wish Blakely could know her...and could have the chance to be best friends with her. We will have to wait for that.

For now, I am just struggling with how to answer people who ask.

I may just settle for the "half truth" for awhile...