Only 3 more months left...

It recently dawned on me that our second born daughter will be 9 months in 10 days! Time has flown by! Gah. 

I am loving every minute I get to spend with her! She is such a happy baby!

I don't want her to grow up ...and I do. Mostly.... I just went her to turn 1 so I don't have to worry about SIDS again. 

Innocence was definitely  stolen from me after losing Greyson. I have love-hate relationship with every nap Blakely takes and every hour she sleeps at night. I can't stand how the memories of Greyson invade the beauty and joy of Blakely. But they do. I have no choice but to wander if "this is the last time I will get to hold my breathing baby" 

And please don't tell me I am not trusting The Lord.

 I am. At least I am trying to. 

I know His perfect plan and will, I am not stupid to think that by me worrying or fretting or praying extra hard I can change those things. He has the number of our Little Sister's days already chosen and He already knows what He is going to do with her life. (I am secretly so excited to see what He has for her!!! Ok, not secretly.) 

But all that said, I still wonder if she has the same "issue" Greyson had. Recently,okay, not so recently, but last November, I came across some really amazing new finds in the world of SIDS. Finds I hate and are stupid, but it's better, 1000% better, than what I was left walking out of the hospital with on June 13th, 2012.  It was an article that was basically saying that scientist have been working on SIDS and coming closer to a "reason" than ever before. When there is a cause, there could be a cure, right?! The things they are discovering have nothing to do with position of sleep, smoke, gender, mattresses, co-sleeping, etc. Instead it has to do with a lack in the brain, maybe of serotonin, they think.  They took samples of babies who died of SIDS, that is how they are coming up with this information. The brains were different of a baby who died of another cause.

 A reasonable cause. An understandable cause. 

SIDS is the dumbest thing because it doesn't make sense ....and all along professionals have been grasping at straws trying to tell us that it's the environment that causes a baby to die.

Big fat NO. 

Even right after Greyson died, I knew that there was something that just wasn't right in her brain. Something forgot to fire or spark.  But I couldn't prove it. 

Anyway, all this to say, SIDS still kicks my butt and I hate it, but I am glad there are scientists out there doing research. A screening or a cure would be amazing. 

Because ....my fear? This happening again. To us. When we least expect it. 

Anyway, here's to 3 more months! Praying I just have fun and enjoy them, not wishing them away!